


Bruises

by Flamoria



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Body Worship, Bottom Eren Yeager, Canon Universe, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Forgiveness, Love Confessions, M/M, Moving On, Not Canon Compliant, Post-War, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), happy birthday sam, i make my own rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24531550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamoria/pseuds/Flamoria
Summary: “Think of it like bruises. Even when they are no longer noticeable, the place where they once were is still tender to the touch. They might be invisible to the eye but can still cause you pain. Healing takes time, Eren. And that’s okay, we have all the time in the world.”A story about forgiveness and finding happiness after war.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 15
Kudos: 242





	Bruises

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shittyfoureyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittyfoureyes/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Sam. I had been wanting to write this canonverse piece for some time and your birthday gave me the perfect excuse to finally get my ass around to doing so. Thank you for creating a space for those in the fandom to communicate and for always being willing to listen. I hope you enjoy what I came up with, it's a bit last minute so please forgive any mistakes.

Here he was, at the end of all things. 

It was finally over.

How many years, months, days, hours, minutes had it been since the colossal titan had first breached the wall and devastated his life, pushing him towards a path he had never intended for himself and his loved ones?

It’d been so long now that there came days he hardly remembered his mother’s voice, her face blurring whenever he tried to conjure up those kind eyes and adoring smile. 

He stood upon the precipice of a cliff, staring down at the destruction he had caused. It was necessary, to rid the world of the evil that was the titans, but it didn’t make it feel right. How could he possibly ever be okay with knowing he had been the cause of thousands of people’s deaths? 

Eren dropped down on his knees and tilted his heads towards the sky, allowing the rain to wash away the grime that had built upon his skin. His long brown hair clung to his head and neck and the tears he shed were drowned out by the droplets that splattered across his broken body. To rid the world of titans for good, he had needed to rid himself of the titans he had consumed as well. 

It had been difficult, he felt as though his body had been torn into a million pieces before being stitched back up again. His heart was barely beating in his chest, limbs limp with exhaustion, and his skin felt like ice. Without his titan abilities, Eren no longer had the means to heal himself. He was exhausted, the years upon years of endless fighting finally catching up to him. It would be a kindness to the world for him to sleep and never wake up again. His life would only be a grim reminder of what had happened on this day. 

Still...he hoped that people would understand why he had made his decision. As long as the titans remained alive, there would be no room for peace. To have that much power at your disposal...he knew more intimately than anyone what that felt like. The ability to control the world, to instill fear in those who dared defy you, to heal yourself even when your head got blown off.

Never again. 

Eren made the right choice. He didn’t enjoy the fact that thousands had to die at his hands for this war to end, but he knew deep in his heart that there couldn’t have been any other way.

The war was over. He could rest now. 

His body felt heavy and he closed his eyes, sighing deeply as he began to slowly tip forward towards the ground. It was okay for him to sleep now; he was no longer needed in this world. Eren had fought tooth and nail to protect his friends, entrusting the future to them, knowing that they would create a better life for everyone and be the leaders he had always believed they could become. 

“Eren!” a panicked voice yelled out as he lost the willpower to continue holding himself up, his barely-there consciousness struggling to put a name to the desperate call. 

Who would care enough to find him now? Who would sound that fearful over him dying? Hadn’t he hurt them all enough? Hadn’t he pushed everyone he cared about away to keep them from being harmed by his decisions? 

Eren supposed it didn’t matter anymore.

It was time for him to rest.

•••

When he awoke, it was to the music of rain. 

Rolling thunder in the distance, the pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof, and the wind roaring through the trees. 

Had any time passed at all? 

Eren blinked and slowly sat up before rubbing at his bleary eyes, clearing them so that he could take in his surroundings. It was an unfamiliar room, small and containing only the bed he lay in as well as a table next to him with a lamp on top and a wooden dresser. To his right was a small window, giving him a clear view of the storm that brewed outside. 

Passing out to the sound of rain and awakening to the sound of rain, how peculiar. 

The creak of the door opening had his body tensing and his eyes widened when Mikasa appeared from behind it, a loud shout of his name leaving her mouth upon noticing he was awake. 

Strong arms wrapped around his torso and squeezed tightly, nearly restricting his airflow, and he coughed as he patted Mikasa on the back awkwardly. This was not the reunion he had been expecting. If anything, he’d never anticipated seeing any of his former friends at all. 

“Eren! You’re finally awake! It’s been a month since the war ended and I was worried you would never open your eyes again.”

“A month,” Eren said slowly, his voice cracking from misuse as he spoke. No wonder why he felt so lethargic. 

He pulled away from Mikasa and took a firm look at the woman he had always considered not only a best friend but a sister. She looked good, wounds from the war long healed due to her Ackerman powers. Her hair had grown out again, reaching slightly past her shoulders, and he could tell that although still incredibly fit she had put on a bit of weight. 

Eren had so much he wished to say to her but the only words that came from his mouth were, “why am I still alive?” 

Not how.

_Why._

It was unfathomable, that he had been allowed to live despite the destruction he caused. Even with Historia having known of his plan, he had expected to be executed had he survived. She may be a long-time friend, but she was also a queen and had to do what was best for her people. 

“Levi saved you. He found you on the cliff on that day, caught your body as you fell, and carried you to safety.” 

Eren shook his head, “I didn’t ask how I was alive Mikasa. I asked you why. I should have been killed.” 

A rough smack to the shoulder nearly had him reeling and he turned his head to glare in Mikasa’s direction. 

“What do you mean, why are you still alive? You saved the entire world, Eren. No one is going to execute you.” 

“No-” Eren looked down at his hands, palms facing upwards, the sight of blood forever staining his skin no matter how clean they might look- “I killed thousands of people. I deserve nothing less than death in return.”

Mikasa placed her palm on Eren’s cheek and gently brushed her thumb against the skin, “Eren, listen to me. You did what you needed to do for the war to finally end. We all know this. Everyone is safe now, thanks to you. You can rest and build a new future, one where you no longer have to suffer.” 

Eren closed his eyes and sighed, his heart aching at the thought that the future Mikasa spoke of could never be for him. How could it when he had demons that would forever haunt him? His life for the past five years had consisted of constantly fighting for his life. He didn’t know any other reality.

“Mikasa is right.” 

Eren’s heart nearly stopped when he heard that voice, deep and soothing, a voice that had brought him back from the brink of insanity so many times before. A voice that belonged to a person whom he respected more than anyone else and who he cared for far more than he should have ever allowed himself to. 

“Captain.”

“Good to finally see you awake, kid.” 

Eren looked past Mikasa, eyes landing on the man who had held his heart since he was fifteen years old. Purple bags still lay beneath silver eyes, though much less prominent than before. Midnight black hair had grown a bit long and was tied back in a ponytail, the undercut as neatly shaved as ever. There was a slight bit of stubble on his face, and thin lips were lifted in a tiny smirk. Levi was still as beautiful as the day Eren had first lay his eyes on him. 

“Where am I?” Eren finally asked. 

“We’re in Levi’s house,” Mikasa answered. 

Levi’s house. 

Eren was in Levi’s house. 

His cheeks flushed slightly, “ah. Thank you for having me, Captain. I think I need a few more days to recover and then I’ll find somewhere else to stay.” 

“Nonsense. I have two rooms, there isn’t any reason for you to rush and live somewhere else. You are more than welcome to stay with me while you adjust. Trust me, you will need time. A month has passed and the rest of us have been awake to experience the changes. Once you are ready to start moving around, you will see what I mean.” 

There was no refusing Levi, there never had been, so Eren simply nodded his head and proceeded to ask about a shower. Once cleaned and feeling somewhat normal again, he sat down to have dinner with Levi and Mikasa. She would no longer be staying now that he was awake but assured him she was living only a few streets down with Jean. 

“Jean! When did that happen?” Eren had asked during dinner, mouth agape in shock. 

Levi had chuckled and said slyly, “you see? I told you that you would need time to adjust.” 

And he was right. 

Although there was no longer a war waging in the world outside, Eren was now fighting a new war. One that had rooted itself deep within his heart and mind, constantly clawing against his defenses. 

There were days where he was unable to get out of bed, too exhausted and distraught with the desolation he had caused. His life felt useless now, as though there was nothing to work towards. 

Eren had never thought of a future for himself. 

As soon as he’d realized the decisions he would be forced to make, the only future he thought of was one where those he loved were alive and happy. Eren yearned to save the world not for himself, but for others. He had long ago accepted the future had no room for him in it so, now that he was here, he felt more lost than he had ever been before in his life. 

Levi was infinitely patient with him. 

He practiced hand to hand combat as they always had, allowing Eren the space to let out all of the anger that had long been trapped inside. Levi would take Eren out on the 3DMG, soaring with the younger man through the trees, the only time where Eren would laugh as the wind whipped through his long hair. 

Levi taught him how to cook, long nights spent together pouring over recipes from books his captain had found from the local libraries. Laughing in a carefree way that Eren had never witnessed whenever the brunet messed up and got flour all over himself. They read books together by the fire at night, played chess, gardened together, and Levi even taught Eren something he had requested years ago. 

After the first night attending one of Historia’s balls and making a fool of himself, Eren begged Captain Levi to teach him how to dance with red cheeks and shining eyes. At that time, Levi had said no and told Eren he would need to find himself a different teacher. The captain of the Survey Corps didn’t have time for dancing lessons. 

That was then, this was now. 

Eren bit his lip as he looked down at Levi, his feet swaying in tune with the shorter man’s. He had accidentally stepped on Levi’s feet a few times only to be chided gently, the angry tone the captain had once used no longer necessary in this life. Levi’s had was warm on Eren’s waist, searing through his t-shirt and into his skin. It took everything in Eren’s willpower to not lean further into that touch, to not take too much. He didn’t deserve this kindness, didn’t deserve someone as good as Levi. This was only temporary. 

That didn’t mean he wouldn’t take what he could get. 

Endless nights spent learning how to dance in close quarters, moving closer and closer together until there was barely an inch of space left between them. 

Countless days laughing as they weaved in and out of the trees together, sometimes with friends joining in, but mostly with just the two of them. 

Hours upon hours bent over books about tea, meticulously learning about every variety possible and making the ones he could get his hands on until he discovered which were Levi’s favorites. 

Finding out Levi loved sweets and spending free time when the captain was off doing something for Hanji perfecting recipes with the help of Armin and Mikasa. 

Before Eren knew it, half a year had passed by in this way. He still had his bad days where Levi would sit next to him and place a hand on his shoulder in comfort, giving Eren the time he needed to grieve. They’d had intense conversations on what it meant to heal and how it wasn’t always about physical scars as much as it was about the emotional ones. 

“Think of it like bruises. Even when they are no longer noticeable, the place where they once were is still tender to the touch. They might be invisible to the eye but can still cause you pain. Healing takes time, Eren. And that’s okay, we have all the time in the world.”

Those words crawled deep inside his heart and planted themselves there, growing stronger as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. Eren wasn’t the same man he had once been, he was better. His anger had long ago subsided and turned into a new kind of fortitude, the type that allowed him to learn from his mistakes and grow. He had apologized to his friends sincerely for what he caused and spent quite a bit of his time helping to rebuild their community. 

Sometimes he got nasty looks when walking through the streets but Eren never judged anyone for how they perceived him. His decision had been made and if he had learned anything from Levi, it had been to not regret the choices one made. The only thing he could do now was to carry those bruises with him into the future. 

A future which included Levi. 

He had never even dared to dream that the captain had any feelings for him aside from a sense of duty to protect him at all costs, and to destroy him if deemed necessary. 

However, as six months turned into one year, a night came where Eren knew his feelings were returned. 

He’d been out late one night and hadn’t told Levi of his whereabouts, not thinking much of it. His day had been spent looking at potential houses to buy as he felt he had long overstayed his welcome, despite Levi never voicing any concern over Eren’s presence. It was Eren’s constant downfall, his negative view of himself, believing he was nothing more than a nuisance in the lives of those around him. 

Upon returning home, he’d been grabbed roughly by the scruff of his t-shirt and shaken.

“Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was about you? I almost lost you once, Eren. I can’t go through that again!” 

Eren had never seen Levi this angry in his entire life. 

“I’m sorry, I just...I wasn’t expecting to be out so late! I never meant to make you worry!” 

Levi let go of him and pinched the bridge of his nose in between his fingers, “you need to be more considerate, Eren. You have people who care about you even though you constantly choose to believe you are nothing more than a burden.” 

“I-”

“No. You listen to me, Eren Jaeger. I love you; I have loved you and cared about you for years. Far more than a captain should have ever felt for his subordinate. But that’s never how I viewed you. In my eyes, we were and always will be equals. Losing you...I can’t bear to even think about it. The past year we have spent together has been the best year of my life and I want to continue chasing that feeling. I want to be happy...with you.” 

Eren was stunned. 

Levi...loved him? Wanted to be happy with him? How was this possible? 

“Levi...I...” his voice came out barely above a whisper as he tried to process all of the emotions that were roaring inside of him. 

He didn’t even notice he was crying until Levi reached up and gently brushed the wetness away with his fingers. 

“I know you believe you are unlovable. I know you continue to struggle with forgiving yourself. Eren, I love you. I forgive you. You had no other choice. The world forgives you. You helped create a better future for all of mankind and you deserve to live in that future more than anyone else does. It’s time for you to forgive yourself and move forward. I promise to always be here with you along the way.” 

And then, Levi was kissing him. 

His lips were far softer than Eren could have ever imagined, smooth and skilled as they moved against Eren’s, tongue flicking out gently to demand more. Eren complied, parting his lips, and moaning when he felt Levi’s tongue brush against his. It was intoxicating, the way Levi took complete control, teeth occasionally biting and pulling at Eren’s bottom lip as strong hands slid underneath his shirt to grasp at his waist. 

Eren had kissed before, on nights in the barracks goofing around with his fellow cadets, but it had never been like this.

He felt as though he was flying and falling all at the same time. 

It reminded him of his first time using the 3DMG to climb up the wall, looking out at the world beyond once he had reached the top. Life outside the walls full of so many possibilities as well as an incredible amount of fear. 

Levi lifted him into the air, Eren’s legs wrapping tightly around the shorter man’s waist, and carried him to his room before placing him on his bed where he continued to pepper Eren’s face and neck with countless kisses. 

“Mine,” Levi said darkly against the pulse point of Eren’s throat, “you are mine. Bruises and all.” 

Eren sucked in a breath and had to hold back tears that threatened to spill over once more. 

Clothes were slowly discarded as both men whispered words of worship against the others' skin. Levi had far more scars than Eren, the ones from his battle with Zeke the most prominent, and Eren traced each one reverently. 

“You’re beautiful, Levi. So incredibly strong. Even though the war is long over you’re still protecting me. I can’t ever thank you enough.” 

“You being with me in this life and the next will always be more than enough, love.” 

Eren moaned and arched his back as Levi began to work him open gently and slowly, his body unused to the sensation. He had imagined his first time with Levi countless nights, grasping his hard cock in his hand as he silently moaned his captain’s name. Nothing could have ever prepared him for what it truly felt like. 

To share this closeness with someone who you loved with your entire being was indescribable. As Levi worked three fingers inside of him, Eren couldn’t help but cry out for the older man. He wanted, no he _needed_ , more. He was desperate to finally be fully connected with Levi. To begin the future together that he had never had the chance to dream of before. 

Eren wrapped his arms around Levi’s back as he slipped inside, the stretch painful and foreign at first. He grit his teeth as Levi pulled slowly out before gently sliding back in, his hips moving in steady and deliberate thrusts. This time, Eren didn’t bother holding back his tears. Never in his life had he experienced devotion such as this, someone loving him and accepting him for all that he had been, currently was, and would be. 

“I love you, Levi” he sobbed as Levi thrust deeper inside. 

“I love you too, Eren.” 

Much later, as Levi lay sound asleep next to him, Eren thought about what his life had been. He had truly believed that he was beyond redemption, that he deserved to live nothing more than a life full of misery. His bruises had been too numerous, the thought of healing nothing more than an impossibility. 

That was until Levi. 

Levi had taught him that it was possible to recover, no matter how deep one’s bruises were. That you could turn that pain and anguish into healing and happiness. 

And now here he was, at the beginning of all things. 


End file.
